And now for something completly different!

Monty Python - Hungarian phrasebook

In 1971, the British Empire laid in ruins. Foreigners frequented the streets, many of them Hungarians... not the streets, the foreign nationals. Anyway, many of these Hungarians went into tobaconists to buy cigarrettes.

Terry Jones: Good morning sir

John Cleese: I will not buy this record, it is scratched

T.J.: Excuse me?

J.C.: I will not buy this record, it is scratched

T.J.: No, no, no, this is a tobacconists

J.C.: Ah, ha ha! I will not buy this tobacconists, it is scratched!

T.J.: No, no, tobacco...cigarrettes!

J.C.: Cigarrette? Ja, ja ja! My hovercraft is full of eels!

T.J.: I’m sorry?

J.C.: My hovercraft is full of eels!

T.J.: Matches?

J.C.: Ja, ja ja! Do you waaant, to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?

T.J.: That’ll be six schillings, please.

J.C.: If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I am no longer infected.

T.J.: May I, look at that...?

J.C.: Ja, ja ja!

T.J.: (browses through book) Costs six schillings...costs six schillings...ah, here it is "Jerdelavangi
sdrki slavenka!" *POW * Ouch!!

Police: What’s going on here?!

J.C.: You have beautiful thighs!

Police: WHAT?

T.J.: He hit me!

J.C.: Drop your panties Sir Arthur, I cannot wait until lunch-time!

Police: (arrests the Hungarian) Right!

J.C.: My nipples explode with delight!

The Hungarian gentleman was subsequently released but it was his informations that led to the arrest and trial of the real culprit.

Judge: Mr. Yalk, you are hereby accused of on the last 28 of May, willfully, unlawfully and with malice of intent, publishing an alleged English-Hungarian phrasebook, with the intent to cause a breach of the peace. How do you plead?

Eric Idle: Not guilty.

Lawyer: Mr. Yalk, on the 28 of May you published this phrasebook.

E.I.: I did

Lawyer: With your honor’s permission, I’d like to quote an example. The Hungarian phrase meaning "Can you direct me to the railway station?", has been translated into the English phrase "Please fondle my buttocks" .

Hungarian to Englishman: Please föndle my buttocks .

Englishman: Ah yes, past the post office, 200 yards down and then left at the lights.